Just Ask Dad

Want to know what your husband is thinking, why your Dad is being the way he is, or want to bounce a parenting question off someone in the same situation as you?

Just ask. It’s completely anonymous and it might help someone else in the same situation.

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Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor.

8 Comments

  1. Someone

    July 5, 2018 at 10:30 am

    My husband often feels depressed after we had our second child. Should I be worried?

    1. jamesrcsmith

      July 5, 2018 at 10:33 am

      Great question. It’s very possible that he’s lonely or missing his independence. He’s probably forgotten how hard it is, at least in the first few months where sleep is a luxury and social life is a myth. If you can, give him an hour or so to see his friends or to go to the gym. Make sure he gives you some time to yourself too. Have a shower or go for brunch with a friend while the baby naps. You could all head out and your husband could take baby for a walk around the shops to let you relax. Self care has to be a priority too.

  2. Someone

    July 5, 2018 at 11:07 am

    I saw on your Twitter that you guys are potty training. Do you have any advice for starting the first stages?

    1. jamesrcsmith

      July 5, 2018 at 11:12 am

      We found that having a plastic potty in the house while she was still in diapers made her more comfortable with the idea of it. We slowly encouraged her to do a ‘poo poo’ while sitting on it (still in diapers). So when it came time to stop wearing diapers, she knew what it was and when it was time to go.

      I also found out that, even if your child is a superstar and takes to potty training quickly, accidents will happen. It’s super important to stay calm and say “oopsie, remember that poo poos and pee pees go in the potty, okay?”. There are a few really good books, which my wife read and distilled for me. The aptly named ‘Oh Crap, Potty Training‘ was awesome.

  3. Someone

    July 6, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Hi James,
    My mom friends and I are used to going to the bathroom in seconds. I mean, we don’t actually poo until it is a State of Emergency. 🀣 ALL of our husbands take FOREVER in the bathroom. By forever, I meanβ€” take something to watch the entire season of Game of Thrones while my poo convinces itself to come out. We are at a loss. We have zero idea why our husbands take SO long in the toilet. When we ask, they give us the same response 1. Shrug πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ or 2. β€œ It just takes that long.”
    Help the mamas understand why the men in our lives take forever to use the toilet. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

    1. jamesrcsmith

      July 6, 2018 at 10:40 am

      I’m guilty of this too. It’s not all about the bathroom business, it’s about having a locked room where you can sit quietly for just a couple of minutes (or an hour). This is the place where it’s considered a faux-pas to even think about disturbing the person on the other side of the door. We know that we shouldn’t really be on our phones while around people, so it’s time where we can concentrate without the guilt. Another key thing is that it’s just nice to let the business happen and not have to rush. Actual science (probably) says that if you push too hard, there can be a number of things that may occur like hemorrhoids or muscle strain. So really, it’s for our health if you really think about it. Pro-tip, get a ‘Squatty Potty‘ to help get the train from the station.

  4. Someone

    August 22, 2018 at 5:59 pm

    How can I get my wife off her cellphone? It never ends!

    1. jamesrcsmith

      August 23, 2018 at 9:01 am

      That’s a great question. I’d start by telling her that it’s starting to bother you and you miss just sitting and talking to her.

      If she knows she’s addicted and wants to spend less time, then there are some great apps to help. There’s Moment on iPhone and Quality time on Android. These will track her phone time and show her just how much time is spent using her device.

      You could also have some gently encouraged rules, like no phones/tablets at the dinner table or while you’re around other people.

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