The Benefits of Being Tunnel-Minded: Beat Your Internal Bully
Some days, it’s all about you. I don’t mean that everyone’s focus is on you and you’ll get showered with compliments. It’s not your birthday. I mean that sometimes it’s totally fine to put everyone else’s agenda and sometimes even feelings to the side.
While that’s a great plan, it’s not always easy to do. What if someone gets offended? What if they don’t like me anymore? What if, what if, what if?
Benefits of Being Tunnel-Minded
Once you’ve decided to make a change and to focus on what you want, you’ll find that so many things that used to upset you or stand in your way, seem much less important. Surprise! They are less important. Don’t worry about them.
As a side-affect of your new thought-process, you may find:
- You’re reaching your goals faster
- You’ll feel more driven
- You’ll be happier
- You’ll have more time to give to other people – when it suits you
- Other people will appreciate your quality time with them, instead of feeling like you’re being pulled away to something else.
Your Priorities and Nothing Else
As a Dad, my priorities are to my family. As long as I’m employed, my wife and baby are happy and supported, and I’m happy in what I’m doing, nothing else matters.
Things I want to spend my time on:
- Spending quality time with my family
- Working on projects that I believe in and actually enjoy
- Being successful at work (to provide for my family and to continue my career)
- The health of myself and my family
- Enjoying life
- That’s about it.
Things I’m going to forget about:
- Negative people
- Endless favour-takers
- Shallow small-talk
Something Not Quite Right? – Practice ‘I’m not Bothered’
My young nieces get awfully upset if they don’t get the right colour plate, spoon, cup, or anything else where there’s an option to meltdown. While the youngest isn’t ready for one of Uncle’s great life lessons, I’ve been busy trying to reinforce the art of not being bothered. In talking about this with her, I realised that I really should do more of the same.
I asked her “What happens if you can’t get your yellow plate?” (she would usually cry). She replied with a shrug. “You say ‘I’m not bothered’ and get a red one.”
She was still listening. This is a win.
“What happens if you don’t get as much food as your sister?” I continued. “I ask for more?” She asked. While this is a fine option, as is anything that doesn’t result in her throwing a tantrum, it wasn’t really my point. “You say ‘I’m not bothered’ and be happy that your sister is getting enough.”
She’s still looking at me.
“What if you’re in the bath and your (baby) cousin poos?” She grimaces. “You get out, fast. Some things are OK to be bothered about.”
She laughs and I continued to give her scenarios throughout the day. I think we’re getting somewhere.
Trolls and Naysayers
There will always be people who try to bring you down. They usually don’t know that they’re doing it, but after you’ve spent time with them you’ll feel a little less positive in exchange for your time. You don’t need that.
At work, with your friends, and especially with social media there are people who say things about you that bring you down. When they do this, they make themselves look bad too. You can’t achieve happiness by being negative about other people. It just doesn’t work that way.
So, what do you do with these people? Ignore them. You don’t need them, so cut them loose. If they’re online, unfriend, mute, block. If they’re at work or in your personal life, just smile and walk away. They’re a weed in your garden, get rid of them and the rest of your plants will thank you for it.
Beating Your Internal Bully
We’ve all been there. That internal voice telling us that we shouldn’t go to the social gathering, or the thought that says talking in front of people is too hard and perhaps you should pass on the opportunity. Just as you thought you looked pretty good this morning, you remind yourself that you still need to diet more or hit the gym.
You’re awesome and you can do it. You look good, and even if you don’t, who cares? Just own it and focus on your priorities. If you’re happy and a positive influence around other people, your friends and colleagues will see that.
Things to Remember
- Don’t be so hard on yourself
- Know your goals. You’re either going toward them or away. Pick one.
- You deserve to succeed, so don’t stand in your own way
- Trolls and people who bring you down can show themselves out
- Focus on the things that are truly important. Everything else is just fluff
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